FRIDAY AFTERNOON: I was with Justin last night. I turned down my friends because I wanted to be with Justin. We had sex once and that was it, we were cuddling the entire night watching tv and eating pizza. We slept early, around 2 in the morning, I woke up and I saw him watching me sleep, he asked if I slept good and I just kissed him good morning. Words couldn't really describe how I felt for him, it isn't love, it isn't infatuation, it's something in the middle but I can't seem to figure out the word for it. We cuddled and I was crying becuase I was thinking about Houston and I want to tell him everything and I have no idea how he would react to it. Justin noticed I was crying and drinking way to much at 9 in the morning so he started making jokes. I knew it was our last time but deep down, I think we both knew that it's not.

I got back on base and I was talking to Marthy, she asked me if I wanted to go to the post office and then go to the mall. I had to give something to Justin and I told him that me, him and Jayr can get food and drinks as soon as I get back, he asked if I wanted him to go with us to the mall, I asked if he wanted to and he said he'll take a shower and will be ready soon. I told Marthy bout it so we went to the post office and when we got back, Jayr was apparently going too. So we all went to the mall and I introduced Marthy to Jayr and Justin. Mark was there too. We all went to this restaurant that we always go to and it was happy hour. So we got drinks and then went back onbase.

Marthy knows everything about me and Justin and after meeting him, she told me that there is no way we're going to stop sleeping together. She said we were sweet and it was obvious that we have a 'thing' for each other.


SUNDAY MORNING: It was one dramatic weekend, not in a sense that people are crying but there was alot of shenanigans that are completely unneccessary. After an entire day with my roomate, justin and jayr, I started drinking heavily. Me and Marthy went out with 3 of my guy friends who just got their next duty assignments. Mario is goin to germany, while mark and keenan are going to louisiana. We all wanted to go somewhere else but Keenan was way to lightweight for that. He was already puking in the bathroom. So we all went home and I was planning to stay in but justin wanted me to go outside and hang out with him. I got back around 3 and Mark and Mario wanted to go to waffle house and they wanted me to drive, so I did. then I realized that I've been drinking so we couldn't go back onbase without all of us going to jail, me specifically for drinking underage AND drinking and driving. I was the least drunk person so I drove about 30 minutes away from the base, went to walmart and drove back. I finally drove onbase around 6 in the morning when they stop checking for drunk people. That waffle house trip is one of those stories that we're gonna have to look back on in the future.

The entire time I was offbase, Justin was texting and calling me. He told me not to drive back and risk my career and just get a hotel room offbase, he was getting mad because I wasn't replying and wasn't calling back. Mark was getting mad because he knows about me and Justin and he knows he's married. After talking to Justin and me telling him to just go to bed and stop worrying about me, Mark asked if we're inlove because we act like we are in a legit relationship. Justin didn't stop texting me til I passed out around 7 and I woke up early for some fucking reason. I was up by 11 and Justin texted me around noon asking if I wanna get lunch and then go to hark rock. We invited Jayr and I was playing with Jayr's phone, I saw Justin's text message to him saying he doesn't care about me. From that moment to the time we got back onbase, I wasn't saying anything. We went to a korean restaunrant, it was really good but I really wasn't feeling well since I haven't slept and I was pissed off. We got back and Jayr started texting me asking what's wrong. I told him bout it and he apologized. Justin on the other hand wasn't. He said he knew what he meant and how I took it is up to me. He said he cares and that's all he needs to know.

I care about him more than I should have and it's stupid to expect the same feelings from him. This is how I realized that we let this 'fling' grow into something else. Our first arguement should have been the end of it, but it's not. Now we're both stuck a stupid thing everyone calls relationship.